A letter to my 13-year-old self on heart-break.
It’s okay to get your heart-broken.
Up until now your life has been pretty perfect. Sure you’re shy, sure you were fat in junior high (But you do go to state in science fair!) You could use more confidence but don’t worry things will get a little bit better in high school. You lose the baby fat, your skin clears up, you gain a social life.
Most of high school goes by smoothly but you’re shy and wonder why no one seems to notice you still. You wonder why the boys don’t ask you out like all the other girls? Maybe it’s because you’re a good girl? You’re often told you’re too nice. You know you’re pretty reserved, but hey once you get to know me I’m fun, and I’m not fat anymore… right? Sometimes you cry at night because you wish you’d be noticed more by the boys. But you still stick to your values. You feel like Cinderella and wonder if you’ll ever be noticed. All you want is love.
Well, I want you to know that you do fall in love but I’m warning you it’s not pretty. Your heart will get broken beyond what you ever knew was possible. And I want you to know it’s okay, it sure won’t feel okay, but it is.
You will literally have your heart ripped out of you and broken to what seems like beyond repair. Brace yourself, you will be in negative situations that you never knew a person who so called “loved” you could do. You will have your whole world flipped upside side-down and question everything about what you thought life was. You will wonder why someone can’t see the value in you that you see in yourself. Finally someone noticed me and this? Don’t I deserve to be treated right?
Of course, you think you can change a person because you see the good in all. It’s one of my favorite gifts that you have. And you’re also very determined. You believe in the impossible and for the most part it has served you well. But when it comes to love, you don’t want to give up no matter how bad it is. You keep trying and it leads to a lot of disappointments. You will go to the lowest you’ve ever been and in fact asking for help will be embarrassing because most people won’t understand why you put up with this so long. But I’m so proud of you because even at your lowest you are still strong. You knew what was right even if you couldn’t act on it for some time. You thought about it.
And I want to let you know that you finally get free. I want to tell you that as horrible as it will feel and that the pain will stay for some time, something inside you switches and you realize that it’s not giving up on someone. You realize that people are capable of change but only if they commit to it. All you can do is plant the seed. You stop asking why me and realize you were chosen so you can help other people.You find that because of all the negative you’ve become a better person then you were before and you like that.
You learn to speak your mind and be so much stronger. You realize that all those nights crying because you thought you weren’t worth it or no one noticed you, really they were to shy to approach you. I’m serious! Years later they will come back and tell you! And here you were crying because you thought the complete opposite! If only you knew.
I want to tell you that you do get over your first love. It will seem like you could never. One crazy mess after another but you’ll be surprised how one day you don’t think about it anymore. I’m proud to say that you don’t let the fear of being broken stop you. You get up and try again!
Today, you are able to let things go and you are not as hard on yourself anymore. I’m here to tell you that everything inside of you positive that you feel is true. That spark inside of you, it will be noticed. You will be rewarded. You learn that this whole life was really a love story between you and yourself.
I wouldn’t change anything you’ve done because you’re on the right path. KEEP GOING
Dear me it’s okay to get your heat broken.
Love Always. Your future self,