Why He Won’t Commit As Soon As You Show Interest | A True Story

Let’s go back in time to 2009, when I was 19 and in college. I just got out of a break up with who I felt was the love of my life. Two weeks later at a party, I found someone who made me want to move on.

This guy was perfect! He instantly came up to me and asked for my number and asked me on a date.  This guy… I’ll call him that for privacy reasons, takes me on the perfect date. I was smitten, I was thanking the universe for giving me someone so I could see that there was life beyond my first love.

After our first date this guy instantly asks me to be his girlfriend. We were really clicking and I told him I was interested but wanted to get to know him more than one day before taking it to the next level. I proposed that we got to know each other for a few weeks. He agreed and said, “Let me know when it’s okay to be your boyfriend and I’m yours.”

This was too good to be true! This guy was so cute and so smooth and kind and we got along so well. After about a month of getting to know each other I told him I was ready to take our relationship to the next level. To his excitement he said that he was going to ask me out but wanted it to be a big surprise and when I least expected it. I was so excited!

Thing is, this was a few days before winter break. I lived in a different state from my college so I would not be seeing him for about a month. He assured me this would be no problem and as soon as I get back my surprise would be waiting for me.

Over the break things were great. He would call me everyday and say sweet things. One day, he called me while I was in the car with my family. He asked me to put my mom on the phone so he could tell her how he was going to ask me to be his girlfriend (he wanted to make sure I would love it) I handed my mom the phone and she was smiling saying that I would love it. I could not be more excited to fly back to school.

Fast forward to the end of spring break. This guy picks me up and has a day planned where I am to meet his family. The family dinner is perfect, we all get along and they tell me how much this guy likes me. After dinner he takes me for a walk to a lake… this must be the part he asks me to be his girlfriend. It’s just way too romantic.

But nope. Nothing happens. We get into the car and leave.

Halfway home he goes… oh my gosh! I should have asked you to be my girlfriend today, what was I thinking!? And I was like yeah! Why didn’t you? He then said, “Well, I want it to be when you least expect it and you were expecting it weren’t you? That’s not a true surprise.”

I agreed. I was expecting it.

Over the next few weeks he kept making comments like ” Darn I should have asked you to be my girlfriend today, but now you know so I have to wait longer so you’re not thinking about it.”

This went on for about a month until finally I was like okay, what is going on? We hang out every day, we are basically a thing, why isn’t this big surprise happening?

So I ask him.



WHAT!? Yes you are reading this right. I am was as confused as you are right now. I didn’t even know how to respond. Maybe it was because you told me almost every day, you told my mom how you were going to ask me to be your girlfriend and you introduced me to your family. THAT’S WHY!

I can’t even remember the nonsense he said after that. But I was 19 so I believed whatever he said and stayed with him a few more weeks until he kind of just disappeared.

I was devastated! Who would do that? Lead me on like that and get my family involved? Crazy. I went through my head trying to figure out why this happened.

Well, a few weeks later I finally found out why. Watch the video below to find out why (You can skip to the end, but it’s better to hear it with my voice) Click here if you can’t see the video.


The moral of the story is : Don’t stay with a person who isn’t treating you right. I knew something was up but I wanted the relationship to work so bad that I didn’t want to ask questions. I wanted to believe that there was a surprise coming. What I learned from this is if you want a relationship and the other person starts acting like they don’t, then bring it up. If they are confusing or darting from it, then leave. Why do you want to be with a person who doesn’t want the things you want? If something doesn’t feel right then it is not right.  You deserve the best.

At the end of the day things like this happen to everyone… okay not everyone… I have yet to meet a person who had a guy go to this length to lead them on but I’m sure there are variations. But now it’s a funny story that I laugh about. I am telling it to you and I’ll tell it to my future kids.

And we can learn the lesson from this guy.


Remember that: “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” – Charles R. Swindoll



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